I feel car sick

Whosasa? Whatzaza?

2009-10-25T20:37:00.003-05:00

We're from Iowa, and one of us lived in Iowa City for a while, but neither of us has any idea what this means.

Can we get some help?

Los Angeles Celebrity Encounters

2009-05-14T23:00:00.008-04:00

Wow. The Jolly Green Giant. In Hollywood. Tied to a no parking sign. Also spotted, a guy who used to be on ER and the rest of Bruce Jenner's family (sort of).

Now This Is A Museum!

2009-05-14T22:44:00.005-04:00

Laika was the Russian dog who became the first living creature to fly into space. This is an oil painting of Laika in a gallery of the ten pooches who entered orbit for the Soviet Union. The gallery can be found at The Museum Of Jurassic Technology in Culver City. The less said the better. You need to go.

Graffiti Lessons With Lec

2009-05-14T22:33:00.004-04:00

If the 2010 Graffiti Awards (the Graffies) were being handed out based on volume of graffiti produced, Lec would take home the cake. There was thick orange paint slapped all over the two blocks north of Venice Beach. Most of it looked to be spilled from a can or the result of a dropped brush. And, conveniently, the was a secret stash of semi-gloss all over the curb where K decided to have a seat, thus ruining a fine khaki maternity skirt.

Mobile Dining

2009-05-14T22:23:00.005-04:00

L.A.'s latest foodie craze is embodied by a pair of roaming taco trucks -- but not just any kind of tacos. Korean barbecue tacos. Kogi's two vehicles, Roja and Verde move all over the Southland three times a day, five days a week, and the lines of customers usually beat the trucks by at least a half hour.

Their website posts the weekly schedule with a general idea of time and place, but to get the lowdown on the exact coordinates, you'll need to follow their Twitter feed.

Yes, all of this sounds hip and slightly adventurous, but is it tasty? It is. Really, really tasty. The other 50 people in line agreed.

It's Gonna Stick Like That

2009-05-14T22:09:00.007-04:00

The Getty Center has a marvelous setting and a delightful building, but a somewhat less-inspired collection of art. That is, unless you are interested in endless Italian oil paintings of crucifixions.
One of the more entertaining pieces is recreated here by B. The original is below. The security guard wouldn't let us put glasses on the gentleman.

1911! History! 1911!

2009-05-14T21:58:00.005-04:00

The Dodgers are 12-0 at home to start the 2009 season! 13-0 ties a Major League Baseball record set way back in, you guessed it, 1911. This guy wanted everyone to know that we were going to be a part of history, and the best way to celebrate being a part of history is to start The Wave.

We made history in several other ways, too:
(1.) He started The Wave counterclockwise -- an MLB first.
(2.) He started The Wave while the home team was at bat -- also an MLB first.
(3.) He started The Wave while the home team had the bases loaded -- again, an MLB first.

For the record, the Dodgers won. After the game, it was announced that Manny Ramirez would be suspended for 50 games for testing positive for a banned substance.

Watts Towers Bed & Breakfast

2009-05-14T21:47:00.005-04:00

We found a tiny, foreclosed house just across the street from Watts Towers, and we're considering going into the B&B business. Within walking distance of the world-famous Watts Towers! There's probably only room for one bed, so that probably leaves either us or the guests on the couch in the living room. Start your morning with a hot, toasted waffle and freshly poured orange juice! The towers are 'open' only a few days each week leaving us to search for other income streams on the off days. View bits of glass and stone stuck in concrete and stacked really high from the window of your cozy bedroom!

Scenic View #22

2009-05-13T10:28:00.006-04:00

Los Angeles looks much lovelier at night when the smog isn't as visible.

Now, let's all sing 'The Smog Song'!

I tried to point out the skyline
From somewhere on Mulholland
'I think that's the Union Bank
or maybe a nameless mountain.'

The beige clouds were obstructin'
The panoramas and the vistas,
'I curse you darn pollutants!'
and shaked both of my fistas

CHORUS
It's what's happenin' now
Mixin' smoke 'n fog
There in the sky
Yeah, you get smog

Smog, smog, smog
doobie oobie
Smog, smog, smog
doobie oobie

It's what's happenin' now,
Now and then,
Smog

Get Some Exercise, People

2009-05-05T01:21:00.003-04:00

Mikey Likes It

2009-05-05T01:16:00.004-04:00

Chuao Chocolatier in Encinitas whips up a tasty little morsel called 'Firecracker'. The not-so-secret ingredient is Pop Rocks. 'Mmm. Crunchy. A little spicy. Hey! Why is my mouth tingling? What's that crackling noise?'

Look Out World, Here Comes Pregnant Lady

2009-05-05T00:43:00.003-04:00

K, in a tremendous storm of testosterone-fueled rage, rips the knob off the door latch of the Holiday Inn Express in Cardiff.

Dining Out With The Picky Twins

2009-05-04T00:49:00.004-04:00

After a series of ho-hum dining experience throughout San Diego, B stumbled upon the Cardiff Seaside Market in Cardiff-by-the-Sea/Encinitas just off the beach. A great little supermarket, with an amazing selection of desserts in the deli -- see the Chocolate Paradise and Chocolate Fusion pictured above. Yow. Good eatin'. Better desserts than anywhere back home. For those of you scoring at home, the Fusion has nine layers of choco-goodness, and in the dessert book would be coded C7+c2[x399].

Run Panda, Run!

2009-05-04T00:39:00.005-04:00

Wildlife photographer extraordinaire K whips out the Canon and sends the poor panda fleeing for safety. No wonder they've been on the verge of extinction.

High 72, Low 58, Partly Cloudy

2009-05-03T00:37:00.005-04:00

When will anyone need to use this?

Tube Meat Royalty

2009-05-03T00:14:00.006-04:00

We just finished a lunch of the wildly overrated Pinkberry (tastes remarkably like frozen cream cheese, but maybe this appeals to you), so we didn't partake in any German delicacies. However, we paused and paid tribute to the most regal pork product in Southern California, His Royal Highness, Sausage King.

Do not confuse him with 'King Sausage'.

20 Weeks Down

2009-05-03T00:00:00.003-04:00

Here's K at 20 weeks into pre-motherhood. If she looks weary and exhausted, it's because she's been hauling a 12 ounce baby around San Diego all day. A welcome respite at the Hotel Del is had. But not the $10 cheeseburger.

Beale Street Is Now 100% Snake-Free!

2009-01-20T13:36:00.004-05:00

Tourist Processing Facility 38c

2009-01-20T13:33:00.003-05:00

We think this best captures the spirit of Graceland.

You Can't Spell 'Mbembphisq' Without BBQ

2009-01-20T13:13:00.007-05:00

Payne's Bar-B-Q on Lamar gets the five-beret award for barbecue pork sandwiches. This is real good and real cheap. Two huge chopped porks and a bowl of beans went for $8. There's no heat in this converted garage, so most of the patrons were chowing down in their cars.

If we could give more than five berets to Central BBQ, we would. Their ribs are amazing and worth the drive from Iowa even if the guy at the counter thinks we chose a poor road trip destination.

Drink At Joe's

2009-01-20T12:59:00.005-05:00

If anyone has any tips on how to rotate this video, we're listening. This was the loveliest sight we found in Memphis.

How Many E's Does It Take To Spell 'Mississippi'?

2009-01-20T12:55:00.008-05:00

Did you know that Mississippi has only two bookmobiles for the entire state?

Welcome To Mississippi, Land Of Enticement

2009-01-20T12:45:00.010-05:00

Crossing the Mississippi state line on Highway 61, we met this guy welcoming us to (a.) gamble, (b.) purchase fireworks, or (c.) see some dancers. We weren't sure which one, but he seemed nice enough so we bet on whether or not we could get away with firecrackers in the dance club. We could not. K won the wager.

Do The Funky Chicken

2009-01-20T12:33:00.005-05:00

There are a few things that Memphis, Tennessee has in abundance. Recording studios would be one. Sun and Royal are still standing, but Stax was torn down in a blazing feat of historic ignorance. Realizing their civic mistake, they rebuilt the studio in the location. While not quite the same thing, it's a pretty lively museum that suffers from the usual read-a-sign, move-to-the-next problem. Worth a visit just to see the Rufus Thomas 'Funkiest Man Alive' sweatshirt on display.

Dining In Utah

2008-10-30T22:19:00.003-05:00

In no particular order, we'll run through some of the surprisingly good dining establishments we found in our tour of southern Utah. We're not too sure how to define 'Utah cuisine' and expected to find a lot of frozen pizzas and pasta-alla-Boy-Ar-Dee. We were wrong!

Above is Zion Pizza & Noodle - the best joint in Springdale. Green chile as pizza topping! Chocolate Confusion cake! And the staff seemed happy to be working there.

The Kiva Koffehouse is not well-pictured here -- you'll get a better idea of how niftily built it is on their website. We had a tasty, solid breakfast here and a better than we expected dinner of turkey and potatoes and chicken enchiladas along with some absolutely yummy breads. And more dessert.

Here are a few things overheard at the Kiva:
"Which table can we view petroglyphs from?"
". . . as the oppressors."
"This is the year I'm going to make an effort to enjoy hearty soups."

Okay, we didn't get a meal at The Trailhead Cafe, but we did enjoy a raspberry muffin.

Georgie's Cafe is a Mexican restaurant in Escalante that looks like somebody's house. Their chicken enchiladas were better than the Kiva's. And, as we said before, the food here is overall better than you would expect -- and tastier than the better known Bit & Spur in Springdale. You can sit on a big drum if you like.

Escalante Outfitters has something for everyone. Pizza, espresso, hiking boots, whiskey, quad maps, head lamps, salads, wireless internet, lodging, books, floppy hats, carabiners, magazines, camping stoves, and berry cobbler. The pizza here is, again, better than you would expect. Good crust. Just the right amount of cheese. And no backtalk.

Cowboy Blues looks a lot like many mediocre to terrible midwestern restauraunts that have too extensive menus and really bland food. But! The steaks are amazingly good! And huge! And they had fresh bumbleberry pie! They're having a Halloween buffet. You should go.

The New York Times and other foodie literati have raved about Boulder's Hell's Backbone Grill for a while so you may have heard about them. They whip up schmancy dinners using locally grown ingredients. No small challenge considering their location in dusty, dry, non-agricultural location. We had a breakfast and a dinner there, and liked it so much, we bought the teapot. Best potato pancakes ever. Best black pepper biscuits ever.

And now to the ultimate culinary find of our jaunt. The nearest major airport is in Las Vegas, so we decided to give the In-N-Out burger chain a shot to and from the runway. We hadn't heard much about the quality of the food, but we were intrigued by the not-so-secret menu where you can theoretically order a burger with 8 patties and 16 slices of cheese. We didn't, but the burgers taste like burgers should taste. Beefy. And the french fries are made with potatoes. We witnessed a giant russet go from potato to golden fry in 60 seconds. Why anyone puts up with McDonald's and the rest of the un-fresh faux-food is a mystery. This stuff is good and not as unhealthy as you would think. And, like Zion Pizza & Noodle, the kids who worked there seemed to get a kick out of their jobs. So, if you're in SoCal or CenCal or SoNev or AllAriz, place your order and enjoy how the classic American fast food meal should be.

Mr. Geology Answers Letters From His Readers

2008-10-29T22:02:00.006-05:00

Mr. Geology, we've received several letters from readers since your last visit. Would you mind taking some time from your busy schedule to answer their questions?

Not at all. I always enjoy interacting with my fans.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How can I determine the UTM zone of a digital orthophoto quadrangle?
Sincerely,
Unclear In Utah

I believe you have me confused with someone else.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How does a waterfall form?
Sincerely,
Querying In Quebec

Ah, now we've got it. The waterfall is one of geology's most amazing specimens. Duoxygenated hydrogen molecules traveling at the speed of light are channeled through a flowal system (sometimes referred to as a 'crick' or 'river') that approaches a stagtationary verticalizationary suspendiary zone (or a 'cliff' or 'edge). The molecules then de-constitute themselves during the dropization zonal area -- this is what you call a 'waterfall'. The true wonder of this can be found at the bottom of the dropitertiary zoning area where the molecules literally reconstitute themselves to again form a flowagation apparatus (or 'stream').

Dear Mr. Geology,
Is the earth a magnet?
Sincerely,
Attracted In Albuquerque

No, magnets are horseshoe shaped and are partially or mostly painted red. The earth is spheroid and blue.

Where Are All The Moquis?

2008-10-29T21:59:00.003-05:00

Kerry Will Not Have To Change Her First Name

2008-10-29T21:54:00.002-05:00

The long search for some piece of souvenir junk emblazoned with K's name has finally ended. We found this Mexican handicraft at the Conoco/Phillips station in Escalante. They also had 'KARI' and 'CARRIE'.

Practice Makes Even More Perfecter

2008-10-28T17:05:00.006-05:00

Nothing whets the appetite like a round of Cracker Barrel Frustration Triangle Golf Tee. Here, K hones her skill. She remains, to this day, the only person to have cleared the triangle of all the pegs.

CLARIFICATION: We did not sink to dining at a Cracker Barrel on this trip. To support our case, here are a selection of condiments on the same table as pictured above.

A Visit From Mr. Geology

2008-10-28T16:41:00.003-05:00

Hello, again, Mr. Geology. Thanks for making the long trek to southern Utah.

I wouldn't miss an opportunity to educate the American people.

First, what is the predominant land feature of this part of the world?

Southern Utah is covered in a thick layer of frictionalized supercompressed stonal firms -- in the words of the layperson, 'rocks'. Tremendous forces, including, but not limited to, hydromotion, breezification, and erosionation, have acted upon this 'rock' to create the forms you see before you.

But, these shapes and colors are beyond anything I can comprehend! Just how did it happen?

Let's use the canyon you see here as an example. Perhaps hundreds of years ago, massive downward pressure from precipitationary bihydrogen-oxygen in flowal directionization splitified the stonal firms, or canyonized the landscape. To put this in perspective, stick your finger in a newly opened jar of peanut butter while jumping off a chair.

Okay, so how did that tree grow there?

I'm a geologist, not a botanist.

Vote For Your Favorite Caption

2008-10-28T16:21:00.004-05:00

Please use the comment area to vote for your favorite caption:

"Hurry up! I'm petrifying!"

"Can you tell me how to get down from here?"

"I'm standing on the world's largest dinner rolls!"

Art Majors Need Not Apply

2008-10-28T16:03:00.006-05:00

The Bureau of Land Management is not looking for anyone with the ability to draw. Apparently this is exactly what they wanted when needing to illustrate a human being trapped in a pool of water.

Nature's Lost And Found

2008-10-28T15:44:00.005-05:00

"My right hand doesn't really need a a glove today."

"Nor does my left foot need a sock."

The Great American Bench Tour 2008

2008-10-28T15:20:00.004-05:00

B had a jingle for this ongoing event where K sits on every bench for a short time, but he has now forgotten it because of that brain-melting Kid Rock song.

Here's one that didn't make the cut. She has yet to explain why.

With Bird-Like Grace

2008-10-28T15:08:00.004-05:00

Here at Kodachrome Basin K is doing her best impression of an anhinga despite the fact that this has nothing to with where we're at.

Y-E-E-E-E-E H-A-A-A-A-A ! ! !

2008-10-27T20:23:00.003-05:00

Holy cows! That's a real live cattle drive headin' down Utah 12 just west a' Escalante!

Neither of us had witnessed this event before, and we slowly followed the herd down the highway for about 45 minutes until the cows were rustled up into their holding pen. The next night we ate big steaks for dinner. The circle of life continues.

The Shape Of Business

2008-10-27T20:18:00.004-05:00

If only more businesses built their shops in the shape of their primary ware, the conveniences of modern travel would be enhanced by no longer having to read.

In this case, the proprietor is selling rocks. Not strawberry sundaes.

Why Can't We Get Any Radio Stations Out Here?

2008-10-27T20:16:00.004-05:00

U-PICK GLOW SKULLS TURN RIGHT

2008-10-27T20:10:00.006-05:00

We took a short detour to a renowned local orchard, but to our dismay, we found it to be h-a-u-n-t-e-d by the ghost of Al Jolson.

Joined In Love, Separated By A River

2008-10-27T19:46:00.009-05:00

The mighty Escalante Bridge (actually an arch) towers over its namesake river. We forded it ten times to get to this viewpoint.

The water was cold enough to temporarily shrink the size of B's ring finger. And here's the spot during crossing number six where his wedding ring flew off. We waited long enough for the sand to settle, and our marriage was saved.

Warning! Warning Signs Ahead!

2008-10-27T19:38:00.006-05:00

Polygamy Central, USA

2008-10-25T09:58:00.009-04:00

Here's our vain attempt to recreate the cover of John Krakauer's Under The Banner of Heaven, the book B is reading on our honeymoon. The burg pictured is Colorado City, Arizona and is famous for being the the unofficial capital of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, the world's leading practitioners of polygamy.

The houses in Colorado City are oddly large -- not the kind of houses that wealthy people would build, but the kind cobbled together by families that need a lot of living space.

Tourists aren't exactly welcomed there as the testy honk from a minivan of identically attired women can attest. However, you can stop in at the Meadowayne Dairy Store and pick up a variety of really tasty cheeses made from raw (unpasteurized) milk. The girls working at the store were perfectly friendly to us despite our surreptitious gawking at their extremely modest dresses over jeans.
The two employees did have a vague resemblance to each other. Estimates are that half of the residents are descendants of either of the town's two founding fathers. Warren Jeffs was the leader until his exodus to Texas and his ensuing arrest. Who's in charge now is a mystery, but it's clear that polygamy lives on.

Utah Wildlife Encounters

2008-10-25T09:23:00.008-04:00

The angry elk.

The gentle horse.

The unidentified insect.

The radioactive spider.

Not pictured: miscellaneous lizard, chipmunk, bison, cow, longhorn, raven, and bobcat.

How Was Your Tram Ride Today, Sir?

2008-10-19T23:34:00.004-04:00

This beats the previous tram drivers from earlier in the day.
Your Operator Is PRECIOUS (#14)
Your Operator Is SURLY (#8)

No Coupon Necessary

2008-10-19T23:32:00.003-04:00

Francophilia's Dark Underbelly

2008-10-19T23:28:00.004-04:00

Now that our great national anger toward France has subsided, we can revert to the time-tested tradition of using 'le' in front of nouns to class them up.

Bring on Le French Fries!

This Is Not A Photograph Of A Sign Reading This Is Not A Trail

2008-10-19T23:25:00.003-04:00

National Park To Take Extreme Measure To Protect Scenery From Souvenir Hunters

2008-10-19T23:20:00.003-04:00

Apostrophe. Wait, Make That An Accent. Or Can We Do Both?

2008-10-19T23:19:00.003-04:00

We struggled with the pronunciation of this gallery for three days and decided that the key is to say 'original' in a breathy voice with your head tilted to the side. We think that's what that little mark means.

Shoe Tree or Tree of Shoes?

2008-10-19T23:10:00.003-04:00

11:39

2008-10-19T23:05:00.005-04:00

While Arizona and Nevada are in adjacent time zones, due to some arcane legislation concerning Daylight Savings Time, it is actually 12 hours later in Arizona.

I Didn't Go To The Hoover Dam For An Engineering Lesson

2008-10-19T22:55:00.006-04:00

"A Monument To All Women's Rest Rooms Shall Be Erected In The Year Of Our Lord Nineteen Hundred And Thirty Two To Stand As A Remembrance Of All Those Women Who Have Gone Before Us And Shall Go After Us For All Eternity --- Lest No Woman Forget"
- President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

This Is Completely Different Than The Slot Machines In Iowa

2008-10-19T22:49:00.004-04:00

Jeff gave K a dollar bill with the following note attached:

"Please put this in a slot machine in Las Vegas. This is all I have. If it doesn't hit the jackpot, I will hold you personally responsible for my inability to pay for my daughters' college tuition and their corresponding societal failure."

Well, that's where the spinning stopped. Or, rather, that's where the quarter-spin stopped. Two sevens and a blank space does not pay out.

Las Vegas, Las Vegas-Style

2008-10-19T22:35:00.005-04:00

This is our personal workout space in our cozy 'Venetian' Las Vegas hotel 'room'. Not pictured: walk-in closet, bathroom, dining room, walk-in closet #2, bathroom #2, living room, foyer, bathroom #3, and sauna.

This cost nothing extra. They liked us so much we got the top floor suite.

2008-02-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

Vacation Ends With A Toe-Tapping Good Time

2007-09-17T23:16:00.001-04:00

Here's a secretly snapped photograph of the Minneapolis airport men's room that's been in the news lately. The action seems to have died down quite a bit, but the stalls do contain a large amount of slightly more engaging graffiti than may be expected:

'HI I'M LARRY CRAIG!' 'what a hipcryte' 'these libs and their double standards'

Not one of the scrawls began with 'There once was a man from Boise' . . .

Moose V. Chevrolet

2007-09-17T22:44:00.001-04:00

We did manage to spot a moose during daylight. This medium-sized bullmoose sauntered from the watery gulch, on to Route 100, and back, again and again. Combine moose unpredictability, near-accident flashbacks, and 16 hours of drenching rain and you get a Chevy HHR in the ditch.
No damage done to us or the vehicle, and thanks to incredibly helpful and chatty Vermonters, we were on our way again in 90 minutes. For the record, the least helpful drivers are those with tiny, British sports cars who seem hell-bent on crashing their tiny, British sports cars on curving mountain roads into large, American moose.

Ice Cream, Ice Cream, We All Leave I-89 At Exit 10 For Ice Cream

2007-09-17T22:29:00.001-04:00

The Ben & Jerry's factory tour in Waterbury Center, Vermont is kind of worth the price of admission. You do get to sample some, in our case, Creme Brulee ice cream, but don't bother visiting on Saturday if you're interested in seeing the product manufactured. The highlight of the stop is the Flavor Graveyard where the poorly received and poorly conceived ice creams of yore are buried and eulogized with snappy and clever epitaphs.

But is there more to the story? We found only about 20 headstones. Where are the rest of the flavors buried? In unmarked graves in highway ditches? In the cow pasture? In a file cabinet drawer at Unilever headquarters? The same corporation that owns SlimFast?!?

Don't Squish The Father Of Our Country

2007-09-17T22:26:00.001-04:00

The Fairbanks Museum in lovely St. Johnsbury contains some fine examples of, um, natural history and lots and lots of dead birds, but what I'll remember is this tribute to General and President George Washington made entirely of dead butterflies and beetles.

Check Your New Hampshire State Quarters

2007-09-17T22:01:00.001-04:00

The original Old Man Of The Mountain may be lost forever, but the sprit lives on in the form of the Old Man Of The Climbing Rock.

Large Stones

2007-09-17T21:51:00.001-04:00

In the White Mountains of New Hampshire, we took the scenic route, and rather than gawking out the windows, we dodged out-of-shape runners and their support vans and a never-ending stream of tiny, British sports cars. To get a break from driving, we paused at a campground and found this fine bit of scenery. Big Rock. A rock that is big.

Who Is King Of The Mountain?

2007-09-17T21:49:00.001-04:00

For a brief few seconds, B was the highest person in New England. Here he stands triumphant on top of Mt. Washington.

Scenic Vista Or Tourist Trap?

2007-09-17T21:45:00.001-04:00

We visited the location of the world's worst weather -- New Hampshire's Mt. Washington. The weather wasn't all that bad with an air temp of around 40 degrees and winds clocking in the 30-40 mph range. The view from the top of Mt. Washington was truly spectacular. You could literally see your hand in front of your face.

Encounters With Nature

2007-09-14T22:24:00.001-04:00

Off to Grafton Notch State Park for some natural splendor!

What the heck is that noise?!

That's a nice waterfall!

Is that a dog barking? Two dogs?

The rocks are so very, very smooth!

I think those are coyotes. And they're right there in those trees. I think they're attacking a moose.

Paul Bunyan: Where Exactly Is He From?

2007-09-14T22:15:00.001-04:00

We missed the Paul Bunyan statue in Bangor, but this guy on the other end of the state caught our eye. He looks a lot like some other Bunyans in Wisconsin and Minnesota. Hmmm...

Mooses, Moosi, Meese, and More Moose

2007-09-14T07:44:00.001-04:00

The state animal of Maine is the moose. Therefore, you might expect to see them wandering around everywhere. They aren't. 'Moose Crossing' indicates that a moose may or may not have passed this way at some point. Moosehead Lake has no moose.
We drove several hours out of our way on 'The Moose Highway' through 'Moose Alley'. None there either. Past the Moose Car Wash, Moose Bar & Grill, Mr. Moose's Kampground, and on and on. We did find this fiberglas flying moose.
And, then, on our way to Gorham, New Hampsh*****LOOK OUT!!!****OH MY GOSH THAT IS HUGE!!!***** Yes, a moose. Running across the highway. After dark. Not really the way we wanted to encounter the largest land mammal in North America.

Live Free, Die, Or Call A Talk Radio Show

2007-09-13T22:04:00.000-04:00

We spent the day wandering through the backwoods of Maine listening to right-wing talk radio. To present a fair and balanced vacation blog, we visited this 'Victory Garden' in Athens. They did not have any gas for sale.

Twenty To Twenty-Five For Armed Robbery

2007-09-12T22:45:00.001-04:00

Yep, that's Neptune and a mermaid hottie cruising on a chopper. This was created entirely of wood entirely by a prisoner entirely in the Maine State Prison. It's not for sale, but you could buy any manner of woodcraft made by inmates at the Maine State Prison Gift Shop. From our observation, lacquer appears to be in abundance in the pen.

Mr. Geology Visits The Rocky Coast Of Maine

2007-09-12T22:28:00.001-04:00

Hi, Mr. Geology. Thanks for visiting us in Maine.

You're welcome. I am pleased to be here.

Mr. Geology, can you explain how the coast of Maine came to be?

Of course. Red hot magma from the earth's subcore rises to the surface and is quickly cooled by the crashing seawater forming the red granite, or 'rock', coastline. This process, in geologic terms, is known as igneocoastification.

Mr. Geology, what is the difference between granite and, say, concrete?

Ah, yes. The primary difference is that granite is primarily produced by the defossilization of key stonifying elements such as carbon (periodic table C), adhesive (Ad), and dirt (Dt) while concrete contains a higher level of moon rocks. Don't forget, no question is too stupid for Mr. Geology.

As The World Turns

2007-09-11T23:22:00.001-04:00

I think this is the globe they used for the filming of such shows as The NBC Nightly News and the opening credits for Universal movies.

Just How Many Men Does Kerry Have?

2007-09-11T23:20:00.001-04:00

Frank Lloyd Wright

2007-09-11T23:17:00.001-04:00

We caught the end of Ken Burns' documentary about Frank Lloyd Wright the other night and were inspired to visit some of his lesser known forays into restuarants.

America Runs On Sugar, Lard, And Caffeine

2007-09-11T23:13:00.001-04:00

We made the obligatory Dunkin' Donuts stop at approximately the 142nd outlet we spotted on our journey. The best thing I can say about the hot chocolate and doughnut is that I could have bought it on the other side of the street or a half block down the street and it would have been exactly the same.

The Shot Heard 'Round The Neighborhood

2007-09-11T23:09:00.000-04:00

The first shots of the Revolutionary War were fired at the Old North Bridge which stands approximately in the same location that a previous bridge stood approximately where yet another bridge stood approximately where the original bridge stood.

Quiz Time!

2007-09-11T23:03:00.001-04:00

The people in the above photograph are:
(A.) part of my family reunion at Fenway
(B.) prize winners of 99BayFM's 'GET LOCO WITH COCO!!!' contest
(C.) the cast of the new CW sitcom, 'Left of Center'.

Red Sox Hall Of Shame

2007-09-11T22:59:00.000-04:00

I am by no measure knowledgeable about the American League, but I can tell you that Tyler Webster never played for the Red Sox. He was one of many Boston fans who show their respect and love for the hallowed tradition of 'The Green Monstah' by writing tributes to their beloved Crimson Hosed baseballers.

As for the game, the Sox lost 1-0 to the Devils Rays behind a sterling effort from pitcher Scott Kazmir -- who, according to the guy standing next to me, throws 'wicked hard' causing the batters to swing 'wicked late'.

Sox Tix? We Got Plenty

2007-09-11T22:57:00.001-04:00

K demonstrates that a standing-room-only ticket does not necessarily prevent you from sitting down as there are plenty of seats at Fenway.

Make Way For Ducklings!

2007-09-11T22:54:00.001-04:00

The classic children's book by Robert McCloskey takes place right about here in the Boston Common.

Where's The Fiat?

2007-09-09T22:22:00.001-04:00

We asked to meet the Super Mario Brothers but were quickly asked to leave. "Il permesso ora o noi getteranno le polpette voi! Rapidamente! Rapidamente!"

Keep America's Magnetic Ribbon Manufacturers Employed

2007-09-09T22:16:00.001-04:00

Now you know what the blue ribbons are for.

You Can Take Newport Out Of Newport, But You Can't Take Newport Out Of Newport

2007-09-09T21:17:00.000-04:00

Mmmm . . . Nothing like taking a long, sweet draw of Newport cigarettes on the streets of Newport. But, we couldn't find the tobacco plantation.

How Much Does Rhode Island Weigh?

2007-09-09T21:04:00.001-04:00

We picked it up, and, indeed, it does not weigh eight pounds. More like seven or seven and one-half.

Rejuvenation At Discount Prices

2007-09-09T20:48:00.000-04:00

The Franklin Spa in Newport, Rhode Island offers an exclusive 'Coca-Cola treatment' which involves you sitting in a bathtub full of bubbling beverage. Little Timmy exclaims, 'Free refills!'

Gambling With Beef

2007-09-09T00:20:00.001-04:00

During a quick jaunt to the Foxwoods Casino & Behemoth, we managed to win a tenderloin while losing only 32 ounces of mock steak in the always popular Roulette Of Meat.

Flying Down The Mountain

2007-09-09T00:14:00.001-04:00

The Boulder Dash roller coaster is the tallest and fastest built on the side of a mountain. Lake Compounce is America's oldest amusement park. I was not the tallest man in Connecticut at the time of this photo.

Dan Patrick Ate Here . . . Maybe

2007-09-09T00:07:00.001-04:00

We enjoyed a delightful lunch at the best 24-hour restaurant across the street from ESPN headquarters. That giant satellite dish is beaming game 3 of the 1987 NBA Finals en espanol.

Soda Pop Overload

2007-09-08T23:58:00.001-04:00

This cornucopia of carbonation is brought to you by Avery's Soda in New Britain, Connecticut. From the outside, it looks like an auto repair garage. And from the inside, it also looks like an auto repair garage. We're not sure what the difference is between Orange Cream and Orange Dry soda. I'll find out in a week or so when TWO CASES of sugary goodness arrive on my doorstep.

Somehow, this contraption produces a fluid that you can consume.

New England = Nouveau Cuisine

2007-09-08T23:46:00.001-04:00

Okay, so we're not in New England yet. This is Detroit City. And this is an all peanut butter sandwich food kiosk. I have little to say but we did miss our connecting flight because I insisted on eating two meals here.

I O W A

2007-07-01T13:33:00.000-04:00

We've made it back to Iowa. K is excited that there are trees again.

We've written a new state anthem. The melody is lifted from 'The Stripper'.

Iowa!
It's Iowa!
We've got corn!
And we've got pigs!
I!
O!
Double-U!
A!

Fun In Grand Island, Nebraska

2007-07-01T10:24:00.000-04:00

Here are some fun anagrams for Grand Island, Nebraska:

Garlands And Bearskin
Bargains Darken Lands
Grander Silk Bandanas
Angrier Badlands Sank

The Place Your Friends Told You To See

2007-07-01T10:11:00.000-04:00

Apparently, The Pioneer Village in Minden, Nebraska is the finest attraction in the state. The billboards claim 'FIVE MILLION SATISFIED VISITORS'.

K and I figured that every minute 100 cars pass the exit. Assuming an average of two people per car, that makes 288,000 per day or 105,120,000 people per year. The billboard appears to be about 20 years old, and in that time, 2,102,400,000 people have read it. Using their figures, only 0.23% of travelers are satisfied by The Pioneer Village.

I think you're better off stopping at Taco Bell.

Selections From The Randomizer

2007-07-01T10:04:00.000-04:00

Lefty Frizzell 'You're Humbuggin' Me'

Elvis Presley 'I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine'

Sufjan Stevens 'Let's Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don't Think They Heard It'

'We Play Everything'

2007-07-01T09:56:00.000-04:00

Listening to the radio makes me sad. There was promise a few years ago with the iPod-style Jack/Everything format where they set the supercomputer to random and let it play. However, these stations have quickly devolved into your standard 'Mix' format where they only play music by white people (except Whitney Houston) from the '80s, '90s, And Today!

Luckily the car has an auxiliary input, and we can crank up the laptop. We just went from The Beatles to Wilco to The Mamas & The Papas to Jack Guthrie to Motorhead to Stereolab. Amazingly, on the way out to Colorado, the randomizer played two Wynonie Harris songs in a row, but this did not prove to be an omen of anything. Unless he really liked mountains.

I-80 Nebraska Mile Marker 254

2007-07-01T09:52:00.000-04:00

Not much to see here. I suppose that's the Platte River over there.

We just crossed Mud Creek.

Ooh, a brown sign for the Harlan County Reservoir. That sounds very interesting.

An Informal Survey Of Automobiles

2007-07-01T09:46:00.000-04:00

For the record, our rental car is a Subaru Outback. This worked out nicely as it's the official car of the Denver metropolitan area. We're not joking when we say that 10% of all cars are Outbacks. This amazing statistic does not hold true for Greeley or the entire state of Nebraska.

Dinner At Eight -- Or Maybe Nine

2007-07-01T00:40:00.001-04:00

A white tablecloth restaurant just steps from the I-80 interchange in Sidney, Nebraska? The Buffalo Point Steakhouse? Too good to be true? Why, yes, it is. They'll seat you at a table. They'll give you a tiny relish tray. But no one will ever take your order . . . Better eat before you get there.
The only thing better than a white tablecloth restaurant is a tricked-out fast food joint. It reminded me of Italy. Or at least what I imagine Italy to be like. *sigh* Iced tea with a dash of Pepsi. No individual or small pizzas. No silverware.

Today's Photographic Subject Is Tomorrow's Dinner

2007-07-01T00:35:00.001-04:00

K tempted this guy with whatever it is that cows like. I think it was called 'Bovine Tempter'.

Silos Of Death, Part Two

2007-07-01T00:32:00.001-04:00

Out in the Pawnee National Grassland, a herd of cows unbeknowingly mosey across an active ICBM silo! Or, maybe they're cleverly disguised anti-terrorist special operatives.

Silos Of Grain -- OR DEATH?

2007-07-01T00:29:00.000-04:00

The good people of Greeley have converted their decommissioned missile silo into an RV park.

Scenes From A Rodeo

2007-07-01T00:22:00.001-04:00

We enjoyed a lovely afternoon of rodeo action at the Greeley Stampede. Here's team roping, and if you squint really hard, you can see the All-American Rejects doing their soundcheck.
We also learned that the rodeo is the last safe place for good clean family fun like gay jokes. Ha ha! Brokeback Mountain! Gay cowboys! They walk funny! This was swiftly followed by (I am not kidding) a rousing full-costumed version of "YMCA".
And, the last thing you'd expect to hear at the rodeo is Neil Diamond. The lovely cowgirls entertain us with, um, synchronized galloping to "Coming To America".