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"Hurry up! I'm petrifying!"

"Can you tell me how to get down from here?"

"I'm standing on the world's largest dinner rolls!"

Art Majors Need Not Apply

The Bureau of Land Management is not looking for anyone with the ability to draw. Apparently this is exactly what they wanted when needing to illustrate a human being trapped in a pool of water.

Nature's Lost And Found

"My right hand doesn't really need a a glove today."

"Nor does my left foot need a sock."

The Great American Bench Tour 2008

B had a jingle for this ongoing event where K sits on every bench for a short time, but he has now forgotten it because of that brain-melting Kid Rock song.

Here's one that didn't make the cut. She has yet to explain why.

With Bird-Like Grace

Here at Kodachrome Basin K is doing her best impression of an anhinga despite the fact that this has nothing to with where we're at.

Y-E-E-E-E-E H-A-A-A-A-A ! ! !

Holy cows! That's a real live cattle drive headin' down Utah 12 just west a' Escalante!

Neither of us had witnessed this event before, and we slowly followed the herd down the highway for about 45 minutes until the cows were rustled up into their holding pen. The next night we ate big steaks for dinner. The circle of life continues.

The Shape Of Business

If only more businesses built their shops in the shape of their primary ware, the conveniences of modern travel would be enhanced by no longer having to read.

In this case, the proprietor is selling rocks. Not strawberry sundaes.

Why Can't We Get Any Radio Stations Out Here?

U-PICK GLOW SKULLS TURN RIGHT

We took a short detour to a renowned local orchard, but to our dismay, we found it to be h-a-u-n-t-e-d by the ghost of Al Jolson.

Joined In Love, Separated By A River

The mighty Escalante Bridge (actually an arch) towers over its namesake river. We forded it ten times to get to this viewpoint.

The water was cold enough to temporarily shrink the size of B's ring finger. And here's the spot during crossing number six where his wedding ring flew off. We waited long enough for the sand to settle, and our marriage was saved.

Warning! Warning Signs Ahead!

Polygamy Central, USA

Here's our vain attempt to recreate the cover of John Krakauer's Under The Banner of Heaven, the book B is reading on our honeymoon. The burg pictured is Colorado City, Arizona and is famous for being the the unofficial capital of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, the world's leading practitioners of polygamy.

The houses in Colorado City are oddly large -- not the kind of houses that wealthy people would build, but the kind cobbled together by families that need a lot of living space.

Tourists aren't exactly welcomed there as the testy honk from a minivan of identically attired women can attest. However, you can stop in at the Meadowayne Dairy Store and pick up a variety of really tasty cheeses made from raw (unpasteurized) milk. The girls working at the store were perfectly friendly to us despite our surreptitious gawking at their extremely modest dresses over jeans.
The two employees did have a vague resemblance to each other. Estimates are that half of the residents are descendants of either of the town's two founding fathers. Warren Jeffs was the leader until his exodus to Texas and his ensuing arrest. Who's in charge now is a mystery, but it's clear that polygamy lives on.

Utah Wildlife Encounters

The angry elk.

The gentle horse.

The unidentified insect.

The radioactive spider.

Not pictured: miscellaneous lizard, chipmunk, bison, cow, longhorn, raven, and bobcat.

How Was Your Tram Ride Today, Sir?

This beats the previous tram drivers from earlier in the day.
Your Operator Is PRECIOUS (#14)
Your Operator Is SURLY (#8)

No Coupon Necessary

Francophilia's Dark Underbelly

Now that our great national anger toward France has subsided, we can revert to the time-tested tradition of using 'le' in front of nouns to class them up.

Bring on Le French Fries!

This Is Not A Photograph Of A Sign Reading This Is Not A Trail

National Park To Take Extreme Measure To Protect Scenery From Souvenir Hunters

Apostrophe. Wait, Make That An Accent. Or Can We Do Both?

We struggled with the pronunciation of this gallery for three days and decided that the key is to say 'original' in a breathy voice with your head tilted to the side. We think that's what that little mark means.

Shoe Tree or Tree of Shoes?

11:39

While Arizona and Nevada are in adjacent time zones, due to some arcane legislation concerning Daylight Savings Time, it is actually 12 hours later in Arizona.

I Didn't Go To The Hoover Dam For An Engineering Lesson

"A Monument To All Women's Rest Rooms Shall Be Erected In The Year Of Our Lord Nineteen Hundred And Thirty Two To Stand As A Remembrance Of All Those Women Who Have Gone Before Us And Shall Go After Us For All Eternity --- Lest No Woman Forget"
- President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

This Is Completely Different Than The Slot Machines In Iowa

Jeff gave K a dollar bill with the following note attached:

"Please put this in a slot machine in Las Vegas. This is all I have. If it doesn't hit the jackpot, I will hold you personally responsible for my inability to pay for my daughters' college tuition and their corresponding societal failure."

Well, that's where the spinning stopped. Or, rather, that's where the quarter-spin stopped. Two sevens and a blank space does not pay out.

Las Vegas, Las Vegas-Style

This is our personal workout space in our cozy 'Venetian' Las Vegas hotel 'room'. Not pictured: walk-in closet, bathroom, dining room, walk-in closet #2, bathroom #2, living room, foyer, bathroom #3, and sauna.

This cost nothing extra. They liked us so much we got the top floor suite.