I O W A

We've made it back to Iowa. K is excited that there are trees again.

We've written a new state anthem. The melody is lifted from 'The Stripper'.

Iowa!
It's Iowa!
We've got corn!
And we've got pigs!
I!
O!
Double-U!
A!

Fun In Grand Island, Nebraska

Here are some fun anagrams for Grand Island, Nebraska:

Garlands And Bearskin
Bargains Darken Lands
Grander Silk Bandanas
Angrier Badlands Sank

The Place Your Friends Told You To See

Apparently, The Pioneer Village in Minden, Nebraska is the finest attraction in the state. The billboards claim 'FIVE MILLION SATISFIED VISITORS'.

K and I figured that every minute 100 cars pass the exit. Assuming an average of two people per car, that makes 288,000 per day or 105,120,000 people per year. The billboard appears to be about 20 years old, and in that time, 2,102,400,000 people have read it. Using their figures, only 0.23% of travelers are satisfied by The Pioneer Village.

I think you're better off stopping at Taco Bell.

Selections From The Randomizer

Lefty Frizzell 'You're Humbuggin' Me'

Elvis Presley 'I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine'

Sufjan Stevens 'Let's Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don't Think They Heard It'

'We Play Everything'

Listening to the radio makes me sad. There was promise a few years ago with the iPod-style Jack/Everything format where they set the supercomputer to random and let it play. However, these stations have quickly devolved into your standard 'Mix' format where they only play music by white people (except Whitney Houston) from the '80s, '90s, And Today!

Luckily the car has an auxiliary input, and we can crank up the laptop. We just went from The Beatles to Wilco to The Mamas & The Papas to Jack Guthrie to Motorhead to Stereolab. Amazingly, on the way out to Colorado, the randomizer played two Wynonie Harris songs in a row, but this did not prove to be an omen of anything. Unless he really liked mountains.

I-80 Nebraska Mile Marker 254

Not much to see here. I suppose that's the Platte River over there.

We just crossed Mud Creek.

Ooh, a brown sign for the Harlan County Reservoir. That sounds very interesting.

An Informal Survey Of Automobiles

For the record, our rental car is a Subaru Outback. This worked out nicely as it's the official car of the Denver metropolitan area. We're not joking when we say that 10% of all cars are Outbacks. This amazing statistic does not hold true for Greeley or the entire state of Nebraska.

Dinner At Eight -- Or Maybe Nine

A white tablecloth restaurant just steps from the I-80 interchange in Sidney, Nebraska? The Buffalo Point Steakhouse? Too good to be true? Why, yes, it is. They'll seat you at a table. They'll give you a tiny relish tray. But no one will ever take your order . . . Better eat before you get there.
The only thing better than a white tablecloth restaurant is a tricked-out fast food joint. It reminded me of Italy. Or at least what I imagine Italy to be like. *sigh* Iced tea with a dash of Pepsi. No individual or small pizzas. No silverware.

Today's Photographic Subject Is Tomorrow's Dinner

K tempted this guy with whatever it is that cows like. I think it was called 'Bovine Tempter'.

Silos Of Death, Part Two

Out in the Pawnee National Grassland, a herd of cows unbeknowingly mosey across an active ICBM silo! Or, maybe they're cleverly disguised anti-terrorist special operatives.

Silos Of Grain -- OR DEATH?

The good people of Greeley have converted their decommissioned missile silo into an RV park.

Scenes From A Rodeo

We enjoyed a lovely afternoon of rodeo action at the Greeley Stampede. Here's team roping, and if you squint really hard, you can see the All-American Rejects doing their soundcheck.
We also learned that the rodeo is the last safe place for good clean family fun like gay jokes. Ha ha! Brokeback Mountain! Gay cowboys! They walk funny! This was swiftly followed by (I am not kidding) a rousing full-costumed version of "YMCA".
And, the last thing you'd expect to hear at the rodeo is Neil Diamond. The lovely cowgirls entertain us with, um, synchronized galloping to "Coming To America".

How To Set Your Own World Records

Welcome to Part One of Brandon's Patented Set-Your-Own-World-Record Seminar. If you take away only one piece of advice, remember to GET SPECIFIC! Pick a category of record that no one has tried! You're sure to be the best! Here's a great example! The Mt. Evans Highway is the "Highest Paved Road In North America"! Place a deck of cards on the highest pavement and you've just set a record for "Highest Deck Of Cards On Pavement In North America"! Or try, "Highest Aria Performed On Pavement In North America"!

Mountain Goat Attack!

Run! Run for your lives!

The Lonely Marmot Ponders His Existence

If this was bad western art, you'd see a winged topless Indian maiden riding a crying horse.

Bighorn-A-Palooza

After all of my griping about not being able to see any bighorn sheep, we were overwhelmed by them at the summit of Mt. Evans. Oddly, this photograph looks like we stuffed and posed them in front of a painted background. If you don't believe it, K has the gore marks to prove it.