Mr. Geology Answers Letters From His Readers

Mr. Geology, we've received several letters from readers since your last visit. Would you mind taking some time from your busy schedule to answer their questions?

Not at all. I always enjoy interacting with my fans.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How can I determine the UTM zone of a digital orthophoto quadrangle?
Sincerely,
Unclear In Utah

I believe you have me confused with someone else.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How does a waterfall form?
Sincerely,
Querying In Quebec

Ah, now we've got it. The waterfall is one of geology's most amazing specimens. Duoxygenated hydrogen molecules traveling at the speed of light are channeled through a flowal system (sometimes referred to as a 'crick' or 'river') that approaches a stagtationary verticalizationary suspendiary zone (or a 'cliff' or 'edge). The molecules then de-constitute themselves during the dropization zonal area -- this is what you call a 'waterfall'. The true wonder of this can be found at the bottom of the dropitertiary zoning area where the molecules literally reconstitute themselves to again form a flowagation apparatus (or 'stream').

Dear Mr. Geology,
Is the earth a magnet?
Sincerely,
Attracted In Albuquerque

No, magnets are horseshoe shaped and are partially or mostly painted red. The earth is spheroid and blue.

A Visit From Mr. Geology

Hello, again, Mr. Geology. Thanks for making the long trek to southern Utah.

I wouldn't miss an opportunity to educate the American people.

First, what is the predominant land feature of this part of the world?

Southern Utah is covered in a thick layer of frictionalized supercompressed stonal firms -- in the words of the layperson, 'rocks'. Tremendous forces, including, but not limited to, hydromotion, breezification, and erosionation, have acted upon this 'rock' to create the forms you see before you.

But, these shapes and colors are beyond anything I can comprehend! Just how did it happen?

Let's use the canyon you see here as an example. Perhaps hundreds of years ago, massive downward pressure from precipitationary bihydrogen-oxygen in flowal directionization splitified the stonal firms, or canyonized the landscape. To put this in perspective, stick your finger in a newly opened jar of peanut butter while jumping off a chair.

Okay, so how did that tree grow there?

I'm a geologist, not a botanist.

Mr. Geology Visits The Rocky Coast Of Maine

Hi, Mr. Geology. Thanks for visiting us in Maine.

You're welcome. I am pleased to be here.

Mr. Geology, can you explain how the coast of Maine came to be?

Of course. Red hot magma from the earth's subcore rises to the surface and is quickly cooled by the crashing seawater forming the red granite, or 'rock', coastline. This process, in geologic terms, is known as igneocoastification.

Mr. Geology, what is the difference between granite and, say, concrete?

Ah, yes. The primary difference is that granite is primarily produced by the defossilization of key stonifying elements such as carbon (periodic table C), adhesive (Ad), and dirt (Dt) while concrete contains a higher level of moon rocks. Don't forget, no question is too stupid for Mr. Geology.

Ask Mr. Geology

Mr. Geology, can you explain the many different layers of rock found at Colorado National Monument?

Certainly. The bottom-most layer of visible rock is known in geologic terms as basal stone. It is formed by tremendous forces in the earth's crust. Then from bottom to top: second stone, layeral rock, and topping rock.

Mr. Geology, how do the beautiful spires form?

This geologic process is know as pointification. Tremendous forces act upon the layers of rock and, in layman's terms, make it pointy.

Mr. Geology, how old are these rocks?

The formations at Colorado National Monument are over 100 years old in geologic time! To make this understandable, if you grew one inch per year for 100 years, you would be over 100 inches tall. Imagine that!

You're so smart!

Thanks for your questions.

Truth In Advertising, Part 10

Florissant Fossil Beds National Monument gets it. They promise you 'Big Stump', and they give you a big stump. BONUS: it's a petrified big stump!