Mr. Geology Answers Letters From His Readers

Mr. Geology, we've received several letters from readers since your last visit. Would you mind taking some time from your busy schedule to answer their questions?

Not at all. I always enjoy interacting with my fans.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How can I determine the UTM zone of a digital orthophoto quadrangle?
Sincerely,
Unclear In Utah

I believe you have me confused with someone else.

Dear Mr. Geology,
How does a waterfall form?
Sincerely,
Querying In Quebec

Ah, now we've got it. The waterfall is one of geology's most amazing specimens. Duoxygenated hydrogen molecules traveling at the speed of light are channeled through a flowal system (sometimes referred to as a 'crick' or 'river') that approaches a stagtationary verticalizationary suspendiary zone (or a 'cliff' or 'edge). The molecules then de-constitute themselves during the dropization zonal area -- this is what you call a 'waterfall'. The true wonder of this can be found at the bottom of the dropitertiary zoning area where the molecules literally reconstitute themselves to again form a flowagation apparatus (or 'stream').

Dear Mr. Geology,
Is the earth a magnet?
Sincerely,
Attracted In Albuquerque

No, magnets are horseshoe shaped and are partially or mostly painted red. The earth is spheroid and blue.

A Visit From Mr. Geology

Hello, again, Mr. Geology. Thanks for making the long trek to southern Utah.

I wouldn't miss an opportunity to educate the American people.

First, what is the predominant land feature of this part of the world?

Southern Utah is covered in a thick layer of frictionalized supercompressed stonal firms -- in the words of the layperson, 'rocks'. Tremendous forces, including, but not limited to, hydromotion, breezification, and erosionation, have acted upon this 'rock' to create the forms you see before you.

But, these shapes and colors are beyond anything I can comprehend! Just how did it happen?

Let's use the canyon you see here as an example. Perhaps hundreds of years ago, massive downward pressure from precipitationary bihydrogen-oxygen in flowal directionization splitified the stonal firms, or canyonized the landscape. To put this in perspective, stick your finger in a newly opened jar of peanut butter while jumping off a chair.

Okay, so how did that tree grow there?

I'm a geologist, not a botanist.